Day 94: Pills n’ thrills and bellyaches

Today has been really hard. I realised something good though; I haven’t had a migraine once since we’ve had Sandy. When I get migraines, I get them bad. I’ve known people to often confuse a bad headache with a migraine, but they’re not even comparable. With me they’re pretty much paralysing in that it hurts beyond anything I’ve felt to do anything but lie down with my eyes closed (and even then the pain is incessant). They make me feel sick to the stomach and feel somewhat like someone has my head in a vice and is gradually tightening it. I remember one particularly bad one when I was living in Bristol where I tried to make it to the pharmacy on my own, as I was out of pills, and ended up curled up on the floor of a bus stop until some kindly passer by helped me to my feet. Okay, I know, you get the idea. I’m going on a bit here. The important and good thing is that I haven’t had one since we had Sandy.

Until today.

I’ve no idea what triggered it. It might have been another sleepless night. Sandy wouldn’t go down last night at all. It was really disappointing because I really felt like she was starting to sleep better. Not last night. She screamed and screamed any time I left her and was still up gone midnight. When I eventually did get to bed she was up every hour or so through the night. It’s the dreaded teething again. Will it ever end? I guess not for a while yet.

I actually felt reasonably okay this morning, for someone who has missed another night’s sleep. Now, I’m sure many people would say that doing the dishes is migraine inducing enough. Well, this morning it really was. It came from nowhere. One minute I was happily shouting out answers to Ken Bruce’s Pop Master quiz on Radio 2 (Sandy joined in too, though her every answer is either Bwaahh, waahhh, or A-ha. Maybe one day the question ‘who had a number one hit in 1985 with the single Take on Me?’ will come up and Sandy will be spot on.) The next minute wham!!! (no not another 80s band answer)  it hit me; excruciating pain coming right from the centre of my head. I had to sit down and poor Sandy must’ve been quite perturbed by the sight of me whimpering and rubbing my head against the table.

It got worse and by late morning I could barely move. It’s hard enough normally but with a very loud and energetic baby to look after it’s torture. How do people do this? I guess you just do your best and struggle through.

It’s early evening now and a mixture of time and pills have eased the pain and I feel like I can see an end in sight. Looking back, if anything my love for Sandy has only increased further rather than the opposite. It’s her I feel sorry for. It’s not her fault I’m a useless lump today, not able to do anything. And she’s been AMAZING! It’s been so cute. Rather than getting stroppy at me just lying there or getting upset, she been giving me lots of hugs. She does the cutest thing when hugging me; she pats me gently on the back. She always does it, but today it felt extra comforting. The most adorable thing by far though, is rather than get upset with me not playing with her she’s subtly tried to involve me in things quietly. This morning she kept bringing books over to me and this afternoon she kept leaving toy presents on my lap.

And it could be much worse.

At least today she didn’t poo on my head.

See you soon,

Matt & Sandy.x

Things I learned today: Looking after a baby when you’re poorly is very difficult. It breaks your heart seeing them try everything they can to get you to play with them.

Poos:  1. Cleaning that up with a migraine wasn’t much fun.

Daddy skills: 3/10. Too poorly for Daddy skills today.

Day 81: Normality resumes (well nearly)

Apart from a snotty nose, it seems like normal life has resumed at last. Well I say normal life. Does normal life include lying around most of the day watching Christmas films and Christmas cookery shows on digital telly all day?

IT SHOULD DO.

It’s been really lovely and just what we needed. I took everyone’s advice and haven’t pushed myself today and I thank you all for that advice. This week has without doubt been the hardest I’ve faced as a stay at home Dad. I’ve genuinely no idea how parents cope with more serious illnesses in their babies and children. Heaven forbid that ever be the case for us. A week dealing with a fever and horrible head cold has nearly finished me off. It just goes to show what goes into being a parent. It’s hard.The work never ends. It’s exhausting. It feels like one challenge after another. But the point is, you do your best, you get through it, and you get the privilege of seeing this amazing little human being grow up before your eyes. That more than makes up for the work. And the love you feel for them is unlike anything else in the world.

Wow, all these sentimental Christmas films are making me soppy.

So the day has been just what the doctor ordered. Well, maybe not the doctor, but it’s just what I ordered. More importantly Sandy is getting back to her best. It’s been really sweet seeing her play with all her toys today. She normally ignores them and either eats everything in reach that she shouldn’t have or pesters me. I think that she’s so relieved to be well, she’s excited to get back to them and the comfort they give her. Don’t worry though, I haven’t been ignoring her. We’ve had some amazing rounds of Daddy Monster, racing donkeys, and what’s the time Mister Wolf? Not to mention a few books of course. I say a few books; whenever I start anything that isn’t We’re Going on a Bear Hunt she crawls off to fetch Bear Hunt and makes me read that instead. I’ll blame Mummy for that. She does an amazing version.

The moral of this story, whether you have kids of not, is that whenever you’re feeling run down, whenever life is too much, put your pyjamas on, lock the front door and cuddle up on the sofa with some good Christmas Movies. Sure it’s only November. Sure they’re schmulty.

But it works.

See you soon,

Matt & Sandy.x

Things I learned today: Films about little boys flying to the North Pole on a reindeer and homeless choirs overcoming the odds make can’t help but make you feel better.

Poos: 1. Sandy’s getting back into routine.

Daddy skills: 6/10.

 

Day 68: Coffee and TV

I feel like part of a group. I feel like I have some new friends. It feels great.

This morning was Bounce and Rhyme, which was as lovely as always. Sandy had a great time being a dingly dangly scarecrow and a little monkey swinging in the tree. She’s really getting into it now. I think she’s starting to recognise the songs. She has a taste for the classics; Row row row your boat, The Wheels on the Bus and If Happy and You Know It are particular favourites. It’s nice to think that these rhymes I adored as a kid are still going strong. Afterwards we hung out with some of the Mums I’m getting to know and Sandy got to chase her friends Benjamin and Isobel around the library. You should see them go. It’s hard to keep up. I reckon she could beat Mo Farrah if the even called for crawling on all fours. They should make it an Olympic event. It would certainly be entertaining. Why not? There’s running and even walking events, so why not crawling? And if it sounds odd, so does using a giant pole to throw yourself over a bar in the sky.

After that we all braved the rain and went over to Costa to warm up with coffee and tea. As we all squeezed in, got our respective babies high chaired and snacked up it hit me. I’m part of a group. This is a regular thing now. We even talk about what we’ll do next week. There’s four or sometimes five of us and it feels like I’m part if something. I always dreaded forcing myself out and along to these groups because it’s scary trying to get to know people, especially as the only man. But as I sat there chatting away and having a laugh it felt natural and comfortable and it will only get more so. So all in all, today was another little personal breakthrough.

Unfortunately Sandy didn’t quite play along for her part. She’s been grouchy all week and today was no different. I ended up having to take her home early because she wouldn’t sit still in my lap or in the chair and a busy coffee shop is not a safe place to let her crawl about on the floor. She had a little food at the coffee shop but when we got back I gave her a little more. She was so worn out she fell asleep in her high chair.

Now you’d think putting her to bed would finally be a doddle.

Nope.

As soon as her head hits the mattress in her cot she’s up and screaming. I’ve tried leaving her. Nope. Didn’t work. I’ve tried waiting in there with her. Nope. I’ve tried cuddling her to sleep. Nope. I’ve finally given in and am letting her crawl around in the lounge. I’m hoping soon enough she’s just going to fall asleep on the floor and I’ll carry her up. We’ll see. She seems to have other ideas. I don’t get it.

There’s a simple explanation though and a really quite scary one. On her top gum she has four teeth just under the surface trying to make their way out. I thought they came one at a time.

Four, FOUR, 4!!!!!!!!!
 
We’re in for one heck of a few weeks.

See you soon,

Matt & Sandy.x

Things I learned today: Teeth can emerge in threes, fours or fives. And there was me thinking dealing with one tooth coming through was hard enough.

Poos: 0. It’s brewing judging by the pumping Sandy is doing right now.
 
Daddy skills: 7/10

Day 54: a’bouncin’ and a’rhyming

This morning was a bit hectic. It is Bounce and Rhyme at the local library on a Friday mornings. Now this sounds ridiculous, but I find it really hard to get us out of the house and into town by 10am. I know this sounds really late, but when you factor in a morning nap, getting Sandy changed, breakfast, showers, dressing, washing up, laundry, making up milks and preparing a bag, it can seem like mission impossible. I ran around like a stressed out maniac, whilst Sandy sat in her high chair licking the peanut butter and jam from her toast and laughing at me. At one point, around 9:50am, I basically threw her into the push chair and we battled our way down our narrow hall and out the door.

I ran up the hill, pushing that heavy pushchair like a man possessed. Last time I’d got there late. I’d missed most of it and it all seemed like a disappointment after all the work to get us there. No, this time I wouldn’t be late. I did worry that I’d be sweating like an idiot by the time we got there, but I kept up a fast pace. We made OAPs spin on the spot as we whizzed past them, we cornered tight turns on two wheels, we flew up and down curbs like a gazelle.

Sweaty, tired, stressed, but perfectly on time we arrived.

10am.

I made it this time.

There was only one problem.

I forgot that Bounce and Rhyme doesn’t actually start until 11AM!

Sigh.

Never mind, we made a nice morning of it never-the-less and we read just about every board book there is in the place. I know the name to just about every animal baby that there is in the world. The cutest is ‘Owlets.’ What a great word.

Bounce and Rhyme was worth the wait. Sandy LOVES it. She’s been doing it a while now. Sharon used to take her along to the library in Crystal Palace, so she’s well versed in ‘Zoom, zoom, zoom..’ and ‘Five Little Monkeys.’ She really enjoys all the movement and singing, and absolutely loves shaking her rattle in time with the other kids. There was a new lady leading it today and she was great. She did some new ones that, even after ten years as a librarian, I didn’t recognise, so I learned something new as well. I can’t wait until Sandy is older and can really REALLY appreciate it. I want her to be able to sleep like a mouse and then leap to her feet like a dingly dangly scarecrow.

These sessions are completely free. You don’t get much in life for free. They’re a great leveler as well. The sessions are a nice mix of what seems like people from all backgrounds. I shouldn’t use this to judge, but I often make my own pre-conceptions using the kid’s names, which ranged from ranged from Xavier and Rowena to Kai and Chantelle. There were no other Dads there though, which is a shame.

These sessions are so invaluable to so many parents and it’s a brilliant way to get children into stories and reading. There. There’s my little promo for the library service. Once a librarian, always a librarian.

Now we’re home and Sandy is having another nap. It has nicely tired her out.

And guess what?

It’s nearly the weekend. AND HALF TERM! We get to hang out with Mummy and hopefully I can get a couple of lie ins. YES!! And this weekend our good friends Susie and Andy are coming to visit too. It’s going to be a cracker.

See you soon,

Matt & Sandy.x

Things I learned today: Even after ten years as a librarian there are still new nursery rhymes to learn. Sleep deprivation makes you forget important things, like what time things start and which day of the week it is.

Poos: 0. Early days.

Daddy skills: 6/10.